dude i'm inner monologue high
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
