first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
