DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
