Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
