WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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