yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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