i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
