We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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