thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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