Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
