C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
