he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
