your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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