I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
