Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
