this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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