Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He kissed a someone with a penis
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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