At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
