I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
