Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
