I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
