first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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