I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
