Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
