Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
