new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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