so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
