you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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