Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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