he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
