1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want nice things and good sex
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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