Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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