You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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