It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
