for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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