new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
