So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
