hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
