I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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