Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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