A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
