just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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