wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
