If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
