My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
