Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
