worst night to have a conscience
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
