This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
