She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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