Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
