why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
