By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize