he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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