3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
