I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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