haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
