I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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