Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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