Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
