note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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