I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
he was CRYING into my vagina
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
