My cat gives me a boner
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
