i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
