Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
