Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
