We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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