Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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