how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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